Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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