I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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