I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
