Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
