Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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