the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Did I show you my penis last night?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
