remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize