The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
