Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
