you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
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Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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