he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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