I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
