I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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