Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
