The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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