so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
