my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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