its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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