You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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