Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
