I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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