on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
