It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I could fuck to npr.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
