I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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