why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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