Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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