chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
A+ Viking dick
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