I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
