And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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