i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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