So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
