oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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