How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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