I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
