So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
