I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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