yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
