What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize