Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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