You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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