I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
