dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
