Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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