Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
your room smells of hookers.
And success
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
