Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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