the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Let's paint friendship bongs
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
