I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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