Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
