operation harelip BJ is a go
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
