You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
