Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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