Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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