you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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