Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
