it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
