she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
