I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
dude. I can hear the air.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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