woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
