Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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