It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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