so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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