Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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