Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
