We're facebook friends in real life
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
