And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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