This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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