we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
