When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
