I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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