ya dads aren't the best wingmen
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
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and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
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I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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