hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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