Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
