My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
