i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
