so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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