So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
