I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
