So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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