now i know why i became what i already was.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize