quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
