I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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