I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
operation harelip BJ is a go
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
