I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
